The Aftermath of Repentance

Freedom

*This is what I posted on Instagram 4 days following repenting of my idol.*

It’s hard to put into words what the last 4 days have been like since I repented of the idol of efficiency.

But I am going to try via different posts, in a lot of ways as a journal for myself.

First, I want to always remember how physically freeing and lighter I felt. Truly like a weight and fog has been removed my shoulder and eyes.

People talk about this sort of thing happening at salvation, but honestly I can’t remember if I felt it then as I was saved at 10. Transparently, I’ve sometimes wondered if it’s just something people say.

But now I legit get it.

So the moment of full realization, processing & accepting of reality, and genuine repentance happened (where else?) in the car in the parking lot at Target. Ha!

After waiting for my eyes to get less puffy and my red nose to fade away, I ran in to get sippy cups and formula.

I smiled at people… without trying.

I was patient… without trying.

I was praying the whole time… without trying.

And as I walked by people, I thought about them without thinking about it. I talked to God about the people I walked past and asked Him how I could pray for them. I prayed about how to be a more encouraging wife.

Y’all.

I. Had. Been. TRYING. To. Do. These. Things. For. Months.

And continuously getting frustrated and confused. “Why was I having to FORCE all of this?”

Well, if you read my last post about making efficiency my god, you know.

I wasn’t abiding in Christ. I was a slave to efficiency. It was consuming me; I was not consumed with Christ.

I’ll talk about the difference between truly repenting of an idol and repenting of a sin sometime soon.

But right now, I’m still just giddy about the freedom I *feel.*

Jackie