Overcoming Fear of Failure: Part 1
Where It All Started
Honestly, I have no idea where my fear of failure all started. Ha! But I do remember my earliest memory of avoiding something because I didn’t think I would be good at it.
We had just moved to a new town and started attending a new church. The children’s choir was gearing up for a big production about… I don’t know what. And that’s the point. I walked into a room where all these kids were confidently singing songs they had been practicing for, gosh, at least, their whole lives based on how well they knew the lyrics. And I just knew I couldn’t do it. I would wait until they started a brand new production and probably sneak a copy of the script ahead of time so I didn’t mess anything up. Not. one. single. thing.
As I watched the children’s choir’s grand performance later that semester, you can imagine my astonishment when I noticed the leader kneeling in front of them providing help with lyrics and lines the entire time. “Well I didn’t know that was an option? Are they not embarrassed they need help and aren’t getting it right every time? Should they be embarrassed? They don’t seem embarrassed… What is happening here?” Though they are probably listed out slightly more coherently than they were floating around my brain, this is what I pondered as I drifted to sleep that night.
Takes Two To Tango
Fear of failure and perfectionism are best friends. They know it takes two to tango, and they intend to steal the spotlight on the dance floor with their carefully choreographed moves. If perfection is the only option, we are at risk of experiencing Atychiphobia our whole lives. Don’t worry; it’s only slightly as scary as it sounds.
According to Cleveland Clinic’s online resource database, atychiphobia is an extreme fear of failure. They explain it further as, “someone with this condition may procrastinate or avoid any situations where they don’t feel they’ll be completely successful.” Well, well, well. Who knew that psychiatrists at Cleveland Clinic secretly followed me around my whole life to observe their #1 case study?! HA! But really.
My tendency to avoid getting involved in things I don’t feel 100% confident in is truly one of my core childhood memories. The children’s choir example is just one example among many throughout my life of my avoid habits. If I was afraid I might not fully, perfectly succeed (aka - in my mind fail), I would put it off until the last minute, decide if I could avoid it altogether, and then if necessary “panic accomplish” whatever it was. This approach naturally turned in to a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy because I wouldn’t leave myself enough time to be prepared enough to do it to the best of my ability. Fearing failure is real intense, not fun roller coaster.
The Reality of Failure
Sometimes people try to calm others’ fears by telling them they won’t fail. Or, even more brazen, telling them that they won’t allow them to fail. But that’s not reality. The reality is we are probably ALL going to fail. We are all going to fail. Maybe even often. Because we are human. Failure is a part of our humanity. It reminds us of our humanity, and I have something I’d like to tell you about that: It’s OK to be human.
As humans, we hold a pretty special place in God’s creation. We are made in His image (Genesis 1). YOU are made in His image. Because of the results of the very first human’s actions, we are flawed and sinful, yes (Genesis 3). But our ability to fail is not something that we should avoid or be in denial about. It’s not embarrassing. Rather, our ability to accept that we will sometimes fail is a credit to our humility.
And a humble human is the goal. Because a humble human, willing to admit their humanity instead of living in fear of their humanity, is a human who is being who they were made to be - made in the image of God becoming like Christ. It’s hard to shift your mindset to this perspective. (I might argue it’s impossible to fully do this without the power of Christ.) But, doing so will put you on the path to actually living what you know to be true.
Next week, I’ll share more about how the fear of failure and meeting expectations were tightly intertwined during my high school and college years. But for now, I believe you can live what you know to be true. You can stay holy. You have the power of the risen Christ in you. And, oh man, do I believe in Him.
Y’all’ve got this!
Jackie
